Blog therapy

Hey Friends

It's October
and I am finding that I need a little blog therapy
It's been a while I know
But there's just something about that "reach out and touch me" blog therapy that I love and miss

So a lot has been going on
I am anticipating grandbaby number 5 early next year

Oh yeah   I am the coolest gmom on this earth!!

I have been rockin and rollin it with my job
Lots of travel

And yes I still have my band
I so want to get the sleeve but my doc Says the band is in perfect position
So no mercy

I am still on my ww program counting points
And I still and dreaming about that size 10 slinky dress that's been hanging in my closet

The seasons are changing and ramping up for another milestone birthday early next year (read that dreading that new age)

I had a very sad loss in August with the passing of my mom. My faithful cheerleader in my life
It's hard to describe these kind of losses

I realize that is what happens I just wish they were not so close

Anyway.  I am here.  Hanging out and hoping you are all doing well

Sunday .... Supposed to be my FUNDAY!!

There's is something about Sunday that makes me think it should be MY day

I want to block our the entire day and focus on me me me me!!

Not family dinners or unfinished chores are in my to do list

What I want to do is focus on things that bring me pleasure and solace

When life gets to be just "too much" (you know demands timelines deadlines ugh) I just want to runaway   Problem is I am chicken sh$t and just don't follow through on my personal threat to myself and usually just go to Home Goods and buy a new fruit squeezer or something

Yeah don't ever say I don't live an exciting life   I am NOT afraid to try out a better squeezer

So I am now at my decision point of the day
Here are my current activities I am planning:

1.  Just stay in bed and watch some crap shows (not fishing or home improvements ). Marie Os,one is hawking her body gym which I have already purchased and placed in a very prominent t spot in my bedroom. I can see it every morning and am proud to own it. I just need to use it
2. Get showered and determine to go on the treadmill and try to knock out a hard mile (hey no judgement!! I just had my hip replaced 3 weeks ago)
3. Drink.  Come on I am talking about fine collectible red wines - don't judge at least I am telling you my sophisticated booze choice
4. Self spa. I have every freaking facial cream and wrinkle cream out there I should use that crap
5. Put on expired self tanner and see how orange I can make my legs look
6. When no choices seem viable go back to the first item on my list

Have a good Sunday.  Make it your day!!

Be well

B

Found the Keys, re-opening the Gate to my Blog

Greetings,

Its been a while!
I know that about 1.5 years ago I wrote (what I thought was to be) a final post.

Well, time has passed, and a few things have come along that have inspired me to re-open the gate to my blog.

First, for my BOOB friends out there (and that's on the assumption that anyone is still following my blog), there was a flurry of activity on FB of re-instituting contacts and support for our continued journey with WL.

Inspiration in life comes in many forms.
I think for many (including yours truly)  knowing that you are not alone in your journey provides a means to uplift you and give you  that little umph you need to carry on towards your goal.

Although this blog started out to be a WL diary, as I look back it took on many life events (from elation to devastation).

Life is a very strange journey and does not follow a template gameplan (except of course in fairy tales and to be frank fairy tales have a dark side these days).

So why am I re-starting the blog?

In this day and age of twitter, FB, and other mechanisms of technology instant gratification, I find blogging to be very therapuetic. 
It really does allow the conscious to process issues in the form of the written word. 
I find that reading  your own written word challenges you to ask yourself "is what I wrote truthful or is it what I want to be the truth?".

And so, on the cold dreary snowy day, where I find myself for the second time rehapping a total hip replacement, I am opening the keyboard and giving myself a kick start to getting my WL going again.

Yes, I still have my band, and I have not had a band check (or fill) in probably 6 or 7 years.
I guess I just dont ever think about it or the need to follow up on it.
I have learned to live with the band and to eat with it and around it (you know what I mean).

I would say I have had about a 20 lb bounce up since my lowest (and my lowest lasted about 2 days).
I have tried to rationalize that two hip replacements would carry aleast 10 lbs of that weight, but thats just not the case (maybe 5 lbs, but certainly not 10).
My lack of ability to be mobile (excercise) has probably caused some of that muscle to turn to flab.
So as soon as I get past my critical rehab milestone (read that as ability to walk without hanging onto a walker or cane), I am going to start back on the treadmill.

One thing that amazes me about the treadmill (which some people find incredibly boring), is that it really does give you a good metric on your performance.  You get a good visual on your progress (numbers don't lie).

Back in the day, when I was "in the moment"  hitting the treadmill at 4 mph/ for a full hour was an achievable goal.
Today when I finally do get back on the TM  I will be  starting at  1 or 2 mph for 10-15 minutes and that will be a great achievement. 

So I have quite a way to go to get back to a robust workout... but it will happen.
The plan is staying committed to the TM, will also be perfect timing for my re-start.

As far as food choices and programs to follow,  I have a few in mind.
I have tried and had some good success with the "Back on Track" program and group on FB call Bariatric Eating Support group (which is basically a low carb/protein shake plan).

And then there is the ever re-inventing itself WW (now owned by Oprah).  The problem I had before with WW was that the food points was just way to low to satisfy me (now they have made some adjustments so I will see how that could be a good fit). I really do like all of their apps that help you keep track and be honest with what you are sticking in your mouth.

But as we all know, losing weight comes down to math (calories in, and calories burned will determine your WL).  That part has never changed.  Crash diets don't work.  The only thing that does is common sense.

So ... since I dont have any pressing events to lose weight for (not Miss Universe, or social event, or even wedding plans) I will just have to do this for me!!!!

Well me and my ability to keep up with my FOUR (yes that is 4) grandsons.
See, alot has changed since I last posted.. I have four absolutely wonderful sweet ENERGETIC grandsons now... and oh, by the way.. I have a very special name (not nana, mom mom, granny or any of those old fashioned name)... I am G-MOM.. with an action figure soon to follow!

Take care my peeps... and most importantly...
Be Well!!

Final Post

Hello Friends,

There are so many wonderful people that I have connected with through blogging and other venues related to the band.

I have built Friendships that I hope last a lifetime!

Now that there is FaceBook, I have made the decision to close out this blog..

Blogging has served me well.

It has allowed me to journal so many life changing events.

In my wildest dreams when I started with my very first post,  I would have never thought that my life would be where it is today.

On many many levels some of those events are still heart wrenching to revisit in my mind.
Experiencing two of the greatest losses in my life!

Time moves forward.

We must all face change at one point or another in our life.

It is the natural order of things.

I still struggle to make a decision on my new life direction.

But this I know for sure.....  I have certainly  been blessed with 3 wonderful beautiful grandsons.

My career.. I couldnt have wished for a better path!

My health... tweaking and revising everything medically possible!!!

I still buy every wrinkle cream ever made!

I am about to venture to my 40th high school class re-union in two weeks... who knows who I may run into there!

So you see ...life, time, and events.. they all move on.

And so must I ...

Thank you for catching up with me every now and then.

I will be on FB.. should you want to exchange a smile!

All the best,

Barbara

Letting Go

The reality that I need to downsize is starting to sink in.  On one level, I am dreading it.  There is just so much stuff... Everywhere!   Not hoarder kind of stuff, but a house full of stuff..

Tomorrow I have a lady coming to see (hopefully buy)  a beautiful Victorian sofa I have had close to 25 years. It has memories from trucking it away in a small car to meticulously navigating it through doorways of its new home, to the experienc of restoring the piece in its glory that it is today.
And now I will let it go.

I love to decorate and update and keep things on trend and contemporary. The downside is I don't seem to be able to let go of the other stuff, hence too much stuff and now my dilemma. 

But stuff aside, I need to make some life decisions about when to put the house up for sale and where to move.  Who knew that my dream to grow old and create precious memories with my soul mate were to be snatched away from me like a theif in the middle of the night. This pain still lingers and haunts me in my dreams.

But move forward I must, and despite what you may see of me on the outside, it is not what weaves through my mind in the still of the night.

So reality is here. I need to start to clean out the house and plan for downsizing
Emotionally thinking about leaving this house is very very hard.

I know its just stuff, but the memories about how some of the stuff came into my life replays when I look at certain things.

So what is next??

I obviously I  am not ready for a nursing home and I absolutely do not want to move to one of those "active adult" communities.  It's just not me. 

The heartbreak for me in this decision is the memories held within the four walls of  this home (and now just a house).
The people and things that meant the most to me are gone.   It's still a very nice house but it's different.

It will be hard to adjust to not waking up every morning to the cozy surrounding that Mark created for me, here one of his designs in the bedroom, which is cozied up with a great love seat !

I so wanted to be able to have memories of grandsons playing in the yard catching frogs and playing around the pond. But that is a few years off. And to be honest the girls have their own family and lives now.

Where I will go?   I don't know.

I think about living in some artsy fartsy town where I can walk to shops and restaurants and then,   I Think about the other extreme, like a location where UPS doesn't even know how to find me.

I have secured the trusty storage locker and am now selectively picking the "treasures" for storage. God help me to not  have it fall victim to "Storage Wars"!!!

Room by room, I am making that "keep, donate, trash" decision.  Often times I find myself chuckling and say to myself "what was I thinking when I bought that!!"

It gives me some comfort to know that some day/one day a new family will occupy this space and create their very own memories.

Worlds Apart...

Ok so the grand event (total hip replacement) is over .
A few things to share:
1. I'm glad it's over
2. I had a great surgeon
3. The mental and physical prep work helped
4.  I am thankful that Ken was here to help me, cause I think I was a pain in the ass for the first few days

Now reflection time and how to get back to recovery:
So despite I am recovering the world does not stop spinning, meaning work moves forward along with the several hundred emails a day.   Some I really just want to tune out.  I will call it selective recovery,   Oh my eyes my eyes!!  The. Optic nerve is now connected to my hip.

One big mistake I made was to step on the scale.   I think after seeing that number I developed a migraine

I know  I know its temporary. It's swelling.  I said it was a mistake to get on the scale!!

The orthopedic stockings totally do not go with anything in my closet.  I tried to pair them up with my leopard flats and that didn't work

Another diversion I had was to read gossip pages. Hmm Jennifer Aniston's biggest worry is that she looks better than Angelina Jolie on her wedding day.  My biggest worry is that I will land on the toilet seat when I lower myself.   I guess we are worlds apart!!

The pills.  I needed to resort to color coding to keep track, how do the elderly master this feat???
 Oh wait I am the elderly!!

Despite my moaning and groaning I am glad I made the decision.  
Wait, who am I kidding   I really had no choice   It was this or learn how to crawl faster.

So there you have it.

Rebuilding my body to take on my next challenge.

Be well.

Anxious

As I approach my surgery date it seems like the stories about everyone's experience with their surgery are coming out of the woodwork.  And to be honest all of these stories are making Me anxious

Ugh but here is the worst one shared by a co-worker who is 8 weeks out from surgery

He went to a very renowned surgical center in Philadelphia known for joint replacement.
Prior to surgery he informed the medical group that he had GERD (reflux)
Well surgery proceeded and they put him under and as part of the surgical procedure for the hip they lower your upper body so your head is lower than the hip.

So they proceed with the surgery and incision and all was going well and he starts to aspirate (because of the reflux) so they bring him out of his plane of anesthesia to stabilize him. Keep in mind they have already started the procedure.

They are concerned about other episodes of aspiration so they decide to do the procedure with a  spinal but (get this) he was awake!!!!!!!!!!!!

He said he could hear the chipping and sawing!
UGH!!!!
When he told me this my heart started to race ...
Oh God oh God.  If that happened to me I know I would go into cardiac arrest

So now I know the chance of this happening to me is next to nil but every time I think about my heart races.   It's all I can think about

I have a good surgeon but good Lord why do these things happen???

So the mind wonders  

I wish I could turn this brain off.

Be well