17 February 2011
Today.. I have the need to blog in my little cyber space and to express my emotions (band related or not).
Today I feel like this picture.
Like everything is crashing in on me.
I wake each day trying to be a solid rock, and then the reality hits me.. just like the waves,
The force, undescribable at times...
With each swell of waves and emotions that are released I feel them smash into my body from all different angles.
The emotions and reality of my life leave me in a place where as hard as I try, I can not find acceptance of what has happened to me.
I can not wrap around my brain around the fact that my life as I have known it, is no longer.
There is now:
A sudden and cold shut off.
A severing of emotion,
A complete shut down of any stimulus.
An absence of companionship
I now rely soley on memories to carry the heart on.
We all experience change in our lives, for the good and for the bad.
So coping is a mechanism that we learn and must possess to survive.
These are the challenges for me.... that is to first survive, and then to exist.
These words have slightly different meaning as you will see..
To Survive: To remain alive or exist
To Exist: To have actual being; or to continue to be or live.
I have a bit of embarassment and vulnerability in putting this out there, but it may also be a call out to find how others have coped and survived.
I feel very lost.. to lose my life companion and to be faced with a new day alone.
Be well my friends..
Posted by Barbara at 4:00 PM