11 October 2014

Letting Go

The reality that I need to downsize is starting to sink in.  On one level, I am dreading it.  There is just so much stuff... Everywhere!   Not hoarder kind of stuff, but a house full of stuff..

Tomorrow I have a lady coming to see (hopefully buy)  a beautiful Victorian sofa I have had close to 25 years. It has memories from trucking it away in a small car to meticulously navigating it through doorways of its new home, to the experienc of restoring the piece in its glory that it is today.
And now I will let it go.

I love to decorate and update and keep things on trend and contemporary. The downside is I don't seem to be able to let go of the other stuff, hence too much stuff and now my dilemma. 

But stuff aside, I need to make some life decisions about when to put the house up for sale and where to move.  Who knew that my dream to grow old and create precious memories with my soul mate were to be snatched away from me like a theif in the middle of the night. This pain still lingers and haunts me in my dreams.

But move forward I must, and despite what you may see of me on the outside, it is not what weaves through my mind in the still of the night.

So reality is here. I need to start to clean out the house and plan for downsizing
Emotionally thinking about leaving this house is very very hard.

I know its just stuff, but the memories about how some of the stuff came into my life replays when I look at certain things.

So what is next??

I obviously I  am not ready for a nursing home and I absolutely do not want to move to one of those "active adult" communities.  It's just not me. 

The heartbreak for me in this decision is the memories held within the four walls of  this home (and now just a house).
The people and things that meant the most to me are gone.   It's still a very nice house but it's different.

It will be hard to adjust to not waking up every morning to the cozy surrounding that Mark created for me, here one of his designs in the bedroom, which is cozied up with a great love seat !

I so wanted to be able to have memories of grandsons playing in the yard catching frogs and playing around the pond. But that is a few years off. And to be honest the girls have their own family and lives now.

Where I will go?   I don't know.

I think about living in some artsy fartsy town where I can walk to shops and restaurants and then,   I Think about the other extreme, like a location where UPS doesn't even know how to find me.

I have secured the trusty storage locker and am now selectively picking the "treasures" for storage. God help me to not  have it fall victim to "Storage Wars"!!!

Room by room, I am making that "keep, donate, trash" decision.  Often times I find myself chuckling and say to myself "what was I thinking when I bought that!!"

It gives me some comfort to know that some day/one day a new family will occupy this space and create their very own memories.


  1. Maybe you can reframe this. Would Mark be thinking about downsizing now too? As we "mature" for the lack of a better word, it is natural to let "things" go and embrace what matters most. Time and the people we love to share it with. You are so grounded that if this move seems right to you then it is right. If it isn't right then don't do it.

  2. I totally get this. When I lost my job and we decided to move across country- making lemonade out of lemons in many ways- there was a LOT of downsizing to do.
    B- I cannot tell you just how liberating it is to GET RID OF STUFF. Take it one day at a time, but remember: things are just THINGS. The memories are with you, the things are just ... um: things. I'd say, make a small start and trash or give away something that you have asked yourself "do I really need this?" or even better, something you have more than one of... I had that going on in my old house. Alternatively: give away some books. Books collect dust and while they feel like 'treasures'-- consider how much you actually go and open them up. Just some thoughts and I hope they help.

  3. What hard decisions. I hope for all the best for you as you move forward!

  4. Hang in there Barbara. The right decision will find you!

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