04 February 2011
Spent all of yesterday in pj's under blankets.. not wanting.. not wanting much of anything.
Grieving.. weird word...
Had my first "widow" experience.. filling out tons of forms.
Status: ___ Married or ____ Not Married...
I was married.. I am not not married.
Ok, overly sensitive I know..
Confession time: I ate 3 chocolate chip cookies and about 5 dark chocolate things last nite.
My eating totally sucks.
I weighed in at 185 lbs this morning.. down from 207 on Dec. 3rd..
We have so much food in the house from people sending things, making things.. ugh..
Too much.. I sent tons of it off with family.
My daughter made me some delish turkey chili.. I have been having spoonfuls at a time.
I have come to realize that my grocery bill is going to go way way down too. DH was a good eater and I loved to cook for him.
What a big adjustment this is going to be.. life changer... its hard to process..
I now find myself googling "How to grieve" wtf.. why should I be looking that up..
Why? because I don't want to do it wrong.. what is wrong with me!!!
Friggin over achiever.. none of that matters. I just want to crawl up in a ball..
Have anger going on too.. a tornado of emotions.
Dreading Monday.. I am going back to work.
Hoping, praying, people just let me do work.. do not ask me how I am.
I Am tired of the cliches..
I find myselfobligated to be in a position to comfort those trying to comfort me..
Miss him.. just miss him.. sorry... this thought just never leaves my mind.
Hugs to you BOOBS.. honestly, I got Steph's letter today..
So incredibly kind, loving, generous, thoughtful ... you ladies are tremendous..
Yes.. its going to take a long time.. to be able to pull that blanket completely off of my head.
hugs.. be well
Posted by Barbara at 12:38 PM