22 March 2011

What Does a Mid-life Crisis Look Like

Advance Notice: This post is not intended to be a downer post.. just a collection of thoughts running through my head these days..

I have read about men who go through mid life crisis and go out and buy a sports car or do something crazy to try to hold onto their youth..are those actions considered a mid life crisis?

Question of the day: What does a mid life crisis look like for a woman?

Yeah, yeah.. I know .. my life is in a tizzy. blah blah blah

But I am thinking a bit deeper than that stuff.
I mean do you all who are in the over 40 club start to think about taking your life in a different direction or to do something crazy.

I know being married and having children will keep you grounded and focused,
but what if you no longer have those obligations..
What holds you back from changing your life .. turning things upside down..

I have been having these thoughts over that last few days...
Perhaps Crazy thoughts..
I don't know..

I often think about whether as individuals, we are obligated to leave a legacy.
How do we want to be remembered
Do we care
Does it really matter..

Why are we making ourselves crazy trying to get to a certain size or weight.

Do I have to try harder now to be attractive.
Do I care if I am or am not attractive?

Does it even matter...

I really don't know anymore..
We seem to be such a focused group of people, so goal oriented.
I am wondering if I even fit in anymore..

A lot of soul searching..
Maybe its time to find the new me.
I have spent the last few years trying to be so many things to so many people, places and projects.
Perhaps its time to just shake things up.

Don't know... its hard to figure this out because I have not come across anyone who has had a similar mind share on this subject..

Just hanging out here.. on the branch.. taking it all in..

Peace and love to all
Be well


  1. Hi Barbara. I know I'm new here and don't know you well, but I want you to know that you are in my prayers. You seem like such a lovely, caring, smart, beautiful woman and someone that I would love to know. As I follow you through this very sad time, my heart goes out to you.

  2. Two years ago, we became empty nesters. We moved to Florida and I had Lap Band surgery. My husband travels most of the time, and I am here by myself a lot. It has given me the time to take care of myself without guilt. I don't cook when John is gone and I exercise everyday. I look forward to it. I buy cute dresses and really cute shoes. I got my Real Estate license. I take care of me for the first time in my 51 years. I say go and do whatever the hell your pretty little self wants to do. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself. Mark would want that for you. So would your girls. You are so strong and loyal to your family, it's time to be loyal to yourself. I love you.

  3. I think we all have these thoughts at times. Like we do we beat ourselves over things that will someday mean nothing, but that's usually when life interrupts us with something and those thoughts pass. You are in such unknown territory right now I can understand how the freedom would seem overwhelming. I hope you do spend some time are really focus on yourself.xoxo

  4. I would think that this time in your life could be a mid-life re-purposing, like Vickie said a time to do for you. You are young and beautiful and hip...you have so much ahead of you, I say it's time to shake it up if thats what Barb wants to do. In my early 40's I felt compelled to do stand up comedy and I did every Saturday night for about a year, in my mid 40's I decided to get out of a bad marriage and now in my late 40's I've decided to get my weight under control and take care of me. That decision brought me to a wonderful place, and to wonderful people...like you. I know it's hard to be hopeful for your future when you are in such pain, but I know that good things are there for you, give your self a little time and then, shake it up if that's what you feel like doing! Love you!!

  5. I am with Tessie Rose and Vicki on this one. Do what you want to do, take some time, take a trip, take a class...whatever you want. It's allowed and it's good for you sometimes. I think every now and then you just have to look after you and do whatever makes you smile. And you are beautiful when you smile dear.

  6. Umm...so when did you join the over 40 club....you look way to hot for that.

    I think the Vickie and Tessie have given you great advice. This life we are living is not a dress rehearsal...it's the real thing. It is yours to with as you please. You are at a place where everything is mixed and mashed up. I have faith that joy will find you Barb...or you may find it first.

  7. You may need to branch out and look for the new you all over the world... Go all "Eat, Pray, Love" on us. We want you to be happy and put the peace back in your heart again, even though there is a piece of your heart missing the rest is healing everyday.

  8. Shake it up, Barb. It may be just what you need.

  9. I think patience and acceptance are the hardest things... and that is probably what you need right now. (Right back at myself, by the way, despite the fact that my stupid j*b is of no comparison to your loss.) You've accomplished many things in your life, and built a wonderful family-- and now you're coping with a tragic loss of a life partner.
    I truly believe that the 'way' will become clearer in a while, but the 'smoke' has to clear from all the pain and trauma you've experienced dealing with Mark's illness.
    No one can imagine the pain or difficulty of your current circumstance, but I think it is fair to say that others have walked through this terrible type of loss and come out the other side and found new meaning in their newly formed life.
    It just takes time.
    Be patient and gentle with yourself. Can you give yourself a year of 'holding on' before you decide you MUST do anything?
    Do you know what I mean?
    I am thinking of you...

  10. I respectfully disagree with Dinnerland on this one. As long as you aren't about to go rob a bank or hurt someone, then I say shake it up! As long as you aren't going to go blow your life savings on a timeshare or do something that will endanger yourself or others, go for it! There's no needs to wait to make changes because of what you've been through. If you feel it's right for you, then only you would know.

    P.S. I have these thoughts now and I haven't reached the 30's club yet.

  11. Completely normal...so well said!
    You are amazing and you will figure it ouT! Its time for YOU!

  12. I share a lot of the same questions and thoughts even though I'm not in the 40 club yet. And I think you are wise to question these things.

    For one, you do belong - as much as I do. Our paths are different but neither of us are goal-oriented right now for our respective reasons. That doesn't make the friendships here any more or less real.

    I would also add that you are in a pretty unique position - which is not to say others aren't doing the same thing right now. My mom and I talked about this before she died - it was worse for my step-dad than for me, but it applied to both of us because of how deep the relationships were. Anywho, after she was gone, I had to redefine myself. No longer could I turn to this person that I always turned to before she was gone. It's amazing what that changes! For my step-dad it was far deeper and far worse.

    We have a neighbor who is two and a half years into being a widow and she's completely redefined herself as well. In her case she is now pursuing things her husband squashed for her 45 years ago (they married when they were 20). It's bittersweet but it also helps her in her redefinition.

  13. I think of things like this all of the time. I am already a compulsive/obsessive worrier and I'm 24! I totally understand what you mean and you have every right to want to make a change to your life.

    Go with your heart and you will know what to do and how to do it.

  14. Follow your truth and your heart...it will lead you to and through the rest of your life. You and only you know what you have to do to get through this horrible chapter in your life. We will all support you whatever adventure you choose.

  15. I think these things a lot and wonder all the time - why the hell do I put so much energy into this when the people I love don't give a damn how I look. I wonder what really matters too...I wish I could heal you - I wish I had a magic wand. I wish one hug from me could make everything okay....

  16. I completely agree with Cindylew here - follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction. If I may be so bold, I'd give yourself some kind of time limit - a year or so - before you do something like sell your house, or quit your job. Other than that - shake it up and do whatever you need to do.

  17. James Hollis, the Jungian analyst, has written a few great books regarding the search for meaning at mid-life: “The Middle Passage,” and “Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life.” Many Jungians believe it is only in midlife when we truly begin to discover ourselves after we’ve spent our lives answering to family and societal pressures (no matter how happy we’ve been doing it). And often we are forced into this knowledge of ourselves through great pain, loss, and crises. As I’ve read your story, I have thought of a beautiful established forest that has suffered a great, seering fire. But the fire has produced ash, and this ash will fertilize and nourish new growth. It may seem trite, and it may not seem likely now, but you will be amazed by what blossoms. My bet is that you have already survived more than you ever thought you would.

  18. Cindy, being Cindy, said it best.

    Why is good enough never good enough? What contest are we trying to win? The contest of life?

    This is good. Dig deep and rattle the cage. It may be just what you need.

    I love you!

  19. I have to admit, I have often wondered if what it would be like to pick up and change everything about me, and I'm only 28! Not that I don't have a wonderful life, I do! But sometimes I just wonder....good luck in where ever your journey takes you....