As I was walking into my building at work today, it FINALLY struck me that at one point pre band I was fat.
Now bear with me on this one...
Prior to getting the band, I really truly must have had some type of body dysmorphic disorder going on in my head.
Even at 250 pounds, I never ever thought of my self as Fat or overweight (just a little on the chunky side)
Yes, I wore plus sizes, yes my shoes width was WW, yes I considered my appetite and food selection to be balanced and healthy.
YES.. I was in total denial about what was really going on inside my head and body...
It wasn't until I saw the scale move into the 150's that I realized that about 100 pounds ago I really was fat.
Now I do not say this to make anyone out there who is just starting this journey feel bad.
My point is that I just didn't realize that my mental and physical shape were so out of alignment. When I was a heavier weight, I did not see myself any different than a person within a normal weight range.
Little did I know that now there are differences, such as:
Who knew that it would be so much easier to run up a flight of stairs
That there would be a day when size 8 was really within my reach.
That the quality of food was more important than quantity
That looking in the mirror and saying I guess I look OK, vs. I look great
When my shadow actually looks like a shadow and not like a huge dark spot on the ground, that my body has shape and definition.
That I would have a better sense of self,
and that it is all good... ALL OF IT.