19 May 2010

SABOTAGE... Why Do we Do This to Ourselves

I caught the very end of Biggest Loser last night... did you see it? 

Daris was the last to weigh in to see if he would make the cut for the final three... Result.. he gained 2 lbs.
He made a very poingnent self confession that he did great all day, but in the evening he stuffed his face with junk... basically he SABOTAGED himself.   I thought to myself, why would you do this...
And then thought, why do WE do this ???

If we love ourselves why would we set ourselves up for failure?

Here was Darris, in contention to win a quarter million dollars and a sure place in the final and he threw it away to pacify himself with food... to feed some burning issue that is still inside of him..
Food... the thing that should nourish us, becomes more of an instrument to console us, when we are happy, sad, stressed.. or whatever emotion we are not prepared to handle in life.

It just got me thinking about my own eating habits... I am not innocent in this syndrome.. I do it all the time.

I think we can all relate to concept of diets and the guilt feeling it leaves us with and labels we put on ourself as  "cheating", "falling off the bandwagon", "snacking in the closet, under the bed, late at night".

What is it that we are really craving??? 
Is it that ability to deal with the emotions that we only know how to handle through the calming feeling food gives us... do we not let ourselves truly experience the full impact that the emotion was intended for us to feel?

When I am stressed.. I eat..
But here is what I know for sure...
I am physically and mentally looking for something to make it better.. and I have conditioned myself to turn to food... 
The band is not going to fix this.
Medication is not going to fix this.
Straight head on, in the stark, bright shine of it all... I need to feel that emotion and NOT TURN TO FOOD.

Am I alone.. I really felt for Daris .... I hope he figures it out..


  1. Great post. I felt so sorry for him last night. I even voted for him to be in the final 3. I can certainly relate.

  2. You are not alone.
    Great post!

  3. You are not alone. My heart broke for poor Daris as he stood on that scale, looking at that number. I know exactly the feeling he had in his stomach as he had to get on that scale with everyone watching. I wish I was American so I could vote for him, because I think he so deserves that second chance.

    It's a hard demon to beat, food is. He had done it...he was there...and yet...and yet. I looked at Koli, and he ran away from exactly what happened to Daris. And maybe it's just me, but did Sam, who had only been home a week, look like he'd gained weight? I've never watched this show before, but my god, I want to slap a band on all of them right now so they don't slip back.

  4. Man o man is that the story of my life? I have spent so much time and money in therapy trying to find out why I'm more afraid of success than failure when it comes to my food issues.

  5. For me, food is a way to relax. Since I had children, it became my "me" time. The challenge now is not only to stop using food in that way but to find something else to replace it. You can only get so many manicures...

  6. I have not watched the show because it is on the same time slot as American Idol and DWTS,so I can't relate. Did relate to the pig picture though. :) I found your blog thru Sandy Lee (sp?) and see that you have SURPASSED 100 followers! Way to go! Just like you will soon hit ONEderland.
    Surgery Date: May 25

  7. I felt for him too and understood his eating. He still has a lot of work to do to keep that weight off. The BL Ranch gets the weight off but there are reasons he (and we) got the way we are. I ate last night because I was really sad and needed to numb the pain. But I'm recognizing it now.

  8. I loved the episode last night.. so moving and I was so sad for Daris b/c I really have him picked to be the winner. He's been amazing all this time. I felt like he kind of just shrugged his shoulders last night and gave in.
    I don't think you are alone. I know that I still fight the head issues more than the band issues. it's almost an everyday battle.

  9. I don't watch the show, but I think this is evidence of why drastic diets do not work. A healthy diet is one in which all foods can be enjoyed in moderation. Exercise should also be done in moderation. Binge eating is a side-effect of a restrictive diet, IMHO.

  10. Great post Barbara! I am the self sabotage queen. In fact my current bouncing around between 195-199 right now is a form of sabotage. You are not alone in this. I do really feel for Darris

  11. I watched this last night too. It was sad to watch and kind of raw. I agree that we all have the power to choose to stop emotional eating.

  12. No way you're alone...
    Forgive my generalization but I imagine that most everyone who goes to the extent to get banded is familiar with this concept.
    My opinion is that we're all medicating ourselves with food...much the way alcoholics medicate themselves with booze. We're stressed or upset or just don't like how we're feeling (emotionally) in that particular moment so we do the quickest thing we can think of that will distract us from that feeling or offers what seems like relief...when in reality all it is is novocain. The food is a numbing agent which allows us to not have to confront our actual feelings.

  13. NOpe - definitely not alone and right on. You are right - YOU can fix this...and we're right here holding your hand. Keep on keeping on!

  14. I follow you 100%!! I just recorded a vlog about this exact thing tonight (about feelings) and hopefully I'll have the time to post it tonight. I agree with you. And I'm glad you posted this. I think what we are "searching for" in food may be the same for some of us and will be different for some of us. It's about our each, own, personal journey and only WE have the answers to OUR issues!

  15. Not alone and really good questions to ask!!!