27 July 2010

So About Chicago....

Like everyone else... I am so excited about meeting everyone.. we are actually in countdown mode to the day of the big event.

But.... I will share something.. I am also having some major anxiety..

And about what you may ask..

It's the ELEPHANT in the room to me.. and that is..

What to pack and what  everyone will be wearing.. for whatever activity we are planning or doing.

Here is my fear..

This gathering is going to become a major fashion show..

And I don't blame all of you who have reached goal to want to enjoy and show off your new found figures, but I have some major anxiety that in the end .. this is all going to make me feel miserable.

I go through this every time I have a social event.. what is everyone going to be wearing and how can I adapt to the situation and not look out of place... I still lack self confidence in this area (big time).

It's not that I can't doll myself up.. but no way in hell will I be an 6, 8, 10, 12 or maybe not even a 14..  and I know you will all say that it doesn't matter, that we just want to see you.. but deep down in my subconscious, the image will resonate that I will be "the only fat girl at a party of skinny girls"

It's my hang up .. not yours.. but it is a fear and I am already starting to think about this..

I just needed to get that off my chest..


  1. oh love, this post made me sad. There will be people at all different weights in Chicago. We all got the band because we were sick of battling obesity. We have all been in each others shoes xo

  2. Just remember there will be people that will be EVERY size there. I plan on wearing whatever clothes fit at the time (which has been my modus operandi for the past year). I'm there to see all of you lovlies and will probably have the most fun in sweatpants hanging out in the hotel.

    It will be good.

  3. I have these EXACT same thoughts and feelings!!! I am just hoping to be a size 22 when I get there! That probably won't happen though. I have serious anxiety when I get around others because, like you, I am worried that I am going to be the fattest girl there. I know, they say it doesn't matter but unfortunately that doesn't make the anxiety go away. The only "light at the end of the tunnel" is that we are all thinner than where we started and that is awesome. I know that I won't weigh 300+ lbs when I go to BOOBS and that makes me feel pretty good. I just try to remember that at the next BOOBS, I will be at goal and then I can show off like all the other "at goal" bandsters!

  4. ok - so I'm not even going - but wouldn't it be great if you all took clothes that you don't fit into anymore and have a huge 'swap'?

    PS I'm sure you look fab - and if there is anywhere you are not going to be judged surely it will be at the BOOBS get together!!

  5. I wish i could come and id come at my weight now... im only 1 month and a bit out of surgery, dont be afraid, you will be with a bunch of women who will be the most open minded understanding women around.

    Im sure you will look fab.... dont worry just go and have fun, im super jealous your going!

  6. Anonymous27 July, 2010

    I can totally understand this fear/anxiety. I will not be at goal and so I am feeling a little anxious. It doesn't make sense but feelings often don't. I can tell you not to worry that we can't wait to meet you, not your wardrobe. But I do understand.

  7. Barbara! Just so you don't feel alone (although I'm not sure you can feel alone since so many have already commented that they share your fear). ;-)

    Here's the deal. I'm 15 pounds from goal and I still fear what people will think. Can I wear something sleeveless? I have horrible cottage cheese arms, will people look at me and go "Oh my god, I hope my arms don't look like hers when I'm close to goal". We all have fears, they just differ slightly. Here's where I feel comfortable. I have never in my life (with the exception of my family) felt so supported, loved and accepted by people, many of whom I've never met in person. Can you imagine how much love will be in the room when we finally set ours eyes on eachother? You are amazing and I've been excited to meet you since I first started reading your blog. Whether you're a size 24 or a size 2, you are still Barbara, hilarious, adorable, and amazing. I cannot wait!! xoxo

  8. Oh poodle! I'm sorry that this is on your mind. I personally don't care if I meet you while you're wearing a paper bag. In fact, I have visions of a bunch of booze-addled former fatties in various stages of undress, showing off "gross" stretch marks and scars and saggy skin and hangy areas...I imagine it's all going to be fairly hilarious.

    So...if this reply has not served to calm your fears about what to wear...I hope at least it's given you something different to be worried about!


  9. I second what Jenny said. We all have fears! It's totally normal. And just remember, we did all choose this surgery b/c NONE of us want to be overweight. And it's not like anyone lost faster than others, we are all different and all had surgery dates at different times. That room, hotel, town will so full of love, joy, and acceptance that those thoughts will fleet your heart as soon as you get tackled for the FIRST (among many) hugs!!! :D Can't wait to see ya there!

  10. Wow Barbara...this same thing has crossed my mind too! I've always had anxiety about what to wear and how I will look when I go to events. I am so glad you had the courage to actually put it out there and I honestly feel better now seeing others comment about the same thing or in Gillys case....adding to my anxiety! lol..

    Hopefully, when we get a little closer and have a better idea about what we will be doing socially while we are there, we will have a better understanding of what to pack. You know, if we are just hanging out at the hotel lets say on Friday night, jeans would work, 5 k Sat and than casual Sat aftertoon. Maybe we'll have dinner plans for Sat. night which will mean to pack a dress or dress pants?

    In any case, I suspect that this will be the best weekend being with 50+ people who have all felt our pain and joy on our FINAL weight loss journey!

  11. I would love to be there... I would love to meet you. You all look amazing and you all have come such a long way on your journey. I can't wait to see all the photos. *Maria*-"This One time at BAND Camp..."

  12. I know that on Saturday night we are more than likely going to be doing a private party/planned dinner at a downtown restaurant and then whoever wants to go out that night can. I bought a dress to wear one night, because I don't get to dress up much and I do like to dress nice if I am in the city. It is a black and white sleeveless dress and if my arms look fat, who cares? Other than that, I am going to be living in capri pants, jeans or a sundress...my ususal atire.

  13. Barbara - totally understandable!!! And good for you for putting it out there... Personally, I am not a clothes person so I don't think about it - my fears are other silly things like will anyone talk to me (LOL)... if meeting Jacquie was any indication, it will be nothing BUT talking!!! I'm no where near goal - down to a size 16-ish, but who the hell knows where I'll be in September! Hopefully lower, but if not, I'm still going to have a darn good time with the group... Hang in there - you'll look great regardless!

  14. Well, there you have it, if you didn't know already you'll be in good company! I think we all feel the same way to some degree. My plan has always been to wear big ear rings and dazzle em with my smile, then the rest goes by the way side! HA! We're going to have a great time! I can't wait.

  15. Barbara - I'm glad you said it first. :)
    I am not a clothes horse at all so it will NOT be about the clothes for me. I thought I'd be closer to goal than I am but it's certainly NOT a 'goal weight' celebration. I imagine it to be a gathering of women who care about each other getting together to revel in their weight loss victories and challenges. To share the journey. And I can tell - from the reports of all the bandster meetings thus far - we are all going to get along, love each other to bits and the talking will be NON-STOP! I can't WAIT!

  16. I finally got to sign into Blogger with my account. As you might remember I am on a short vacay with my bestie friend. We have been wondering into clothing stores-a very foreign thing for me-and I have been trying on some smaller clothes. My mind is twisted as I still can't see the right clothes, but they are fitting and they are looking nice. I haven't bought anything yet but will get myself out there. You will not worry about your clothes. As long as you are not naked, all will be good. I am not a party dress person and I wear flats or runners all the time. I will probably be in slacks and a nice top. I just don't see myself in a dress yet. The rest of the time will be shorts or capris and a light top. Chicago will probably still be warm so it's summer stuff. Please don't fret-I would be so unhappy if you were unhappy and afraid that clothes would make us not like you. Does this sound like high school a bit? Love you girl in anything you choose.

  17. What did I tell you...don't sweat this stuff. There will be those of us who love the cocktail dresses and those of us who wear dress slacks and a nice blouse...I am the latter.
    If you don't get from the comments above...these chicks just want to meet YOU...not your wardrobe.
    Love ya.

  18. Oh B!

    PLEASE don't worry about this - you will be so busy having a blast! And I think the clothing swap would be a terrific idea!

  19. I've been on vacation and am trying frantically to get caught up. I am hoping to be 20/22 by the time the Chicago trip comes and also hoping that I'll be out of that size soon after the Chicago trip. Therefore I don't plan on buying any expensive, fancy clothes. I definitely see me in the black slacks, nice top group.