21 July 2011

Just random thoughts that occur at 2 am..

Freakin scale is bouncing around on me..
I want to blame it on the boob weight..

Its not that.

I bought a bag of Bliss chocolates and have been popping them in my mouth and just letting them melt.

I still  have some intense periods of anxiety..off and on..

I was on a business call from 9 pm to 1am this morning with our office in Shanghai.

After the call I was freakin wired..  I could NOT fall to sleep

So what do I do.. I went downstairs and made a bowl of SpecialK with strawberries.. trying to use my disciplined food choice skills.
That went down just fine.

Then I wanted CHOCOLATE.
It was 2 am and I am sitting in bed with two yorkies and 7 pieces of chocolate.

The scale screwed me over this morning and now I am upset with myself.

I think someone asked this question  on their blog..  do we EVER EVER EVER let go of stress eating?
I try so freakin hard to discipline myself to NOT  FU.. but it still happens.

So around 3 am, I decide I am not going to fall asleep and need some help.. take meds, and off to la la land I go ONLY to wake up at 9 am!!..

HELLO.. I should be in the office by 8 am..

What is up with me!!

I just have so much going through my mind these days..
Alot of self evaluation
What do I really want in life ,
Where do I want to go
Do I want to stay here or relocate
Do I want to continue to throw myself into my job or just simplify life
You know that whole reflection on life thing..

The question I have is why do these thoughts converge at 3 am!!!

I am finding myself just wanting to enjoy life, to have fun, to not be so ruled by the corporate world.  The 10 -15 hour days are getting old.. I really don't want to do this forever..

You always hear about people who enter their 50's and wanting to do a major shift in their life, I never really understood that.. but now I do.

Kids are gone, husband is gone..its me and two yorkies
So now I need to figure this out.

I need to sort and organize these random thoughts.. I am definitely at a turning point.. Its exciting and scary at the same time..

Have a great day..


  1. LOL. I'm not laughing at you...I'm laughing at me. When you said you were in bed with "2 yorkies and 7 chocoltes," I thought you mean york peppermint patties. Didn't dawn on me until later in your post that they're dogs. Sorry...I think it's normal to re-evaluate your life from time to time (and with everything you've gone through, it's bound to happen) and sometimes a change is just what we need. You've made some big changes lately. I know you'll find a new path that is just right for you.

  2. You said it...it is scary and exciting. Just by your WL and your surgery; I know you have the proactive courage to make thing better and wonderful and exciting. That is a gift. I'm excited for you!

  3. OMG! I thought you were talking about York Peppermint Patties too! Fat girl confusion! LMAO!!!

  4. I third the York Peppermint Patty thought. :) You deserve time to think and reassess. Go after what will make you happy!

  5. Sometimes when I eat carbs late at night, I get the blood-sugar dump a bit later and it causes me to have some serious cravings if I'm not prepared for it. You might be having a similar reaction.

  6. I realised that you meant dogs! All I could think is that if I were in bed with my (no longer with us) shih-tzu's and seven pieces of chocolate I would have been lucky to get one of them! Even though chocolate is bad for them my dogs loved it!

    Must be hard to decide what to do, 12 hour days are no fun at all!

  7. Hey lady! I had my mom take some pictures of a necklace she had made of hers and my dad's wedding rings. I need to get it to you - its just so beautiful and I wanted you to see it. Maybe I'll just post it on my blog. Anyway - I don't remember where I got my heels from - I'm sorry! :( As for the beach - I live in Virginia Beach, VA. Born and raised and still here! :) Also, I totally get the corporate world and the stress eating. I went through last year the self evaluation you are going through and it is such a PROCESS! I am thankful that I had time off and realized that I was moving at much to fast a pace. There is life outside of our big jobs and the big incomes that go with it is worth it only long enough for you to have some financial security. After you have that, I say you stop doing it. I'm kind of back in it - but I have a safety net of choosing to stop if I want to. And I will. The peace I felt and the reconnection to 'normal life' at a 'normal pace' is something I don't want to give up again. Its just more fun to live life than live work and fit life in where you can. Your brain is just always focused on work, and we can't help it, because we're good at what we do and have a strong work ethic. Gosh, I could go on and on about this. Can't wait to meet you in Chicago and talk!

  8. Don't beat yourself up.....the weight will come off just get back on the horse. I have been stuck for two and half weeks now, but I am not discourged I knew my body would stop on me.

  9. HAHAHA! I love you, you crazy girl!