Just when I think my head and heart are in a good place... my emotions grab me and give me a good twirl....
I follow many blogs on different topic, and have grown close to women who have become widow's (both old and young, and believe me there is an incredibly large number of young widows). I never ever stopped to think about this when I was married 5, 10, 20 or 25 years. My wonderful marriage lasted 31 years...almost 32..
But when I read the post below, it hit me like a brick... yeah... that's me...
Life has some real basic needs... don't we all want to be somebody's somebody??
I just wanted share this post... give that special somebody in your life a hug today...
I had a weird discovery today. There are a lot of
things that you were to me that cannot be replaced. So many wonderful people
have stepped up to help out in areas where you used to cover, and that's great,
but it's obviously never the same. Even so, I couldn't articulate exactly what
it was that I felt voided of completely that can never be
Today, I realized what it was: I miss being number one
for somebody. At the top of someone's list. Aside from our children, I am not
the first anyone would call if there was an emergency, big news, or something
incredibly funny that they wanted to share. Even my closest friends have their
families or spouses that they would call on - and should call on - first when
they think of something important. Along side that loss, I'm now missing the one
person at the top of my list I would go to for anything. If I have something to
share, I have to consider who to share it with that doesn't have other things
going on to worry about. When I need something fixed, I have to think about who
I know that I might be able to call on. When I need a break, I feel guilty for
finding people to watch the kids. When I remember a funny story, I have to think
about who might appreciate it the most. You were all of that in my life.
It's hard to not have that constant go-to person to share life with. Really
I miss feeling that specialness that comes with being
at the top of someone's list. I miss feeling like someone needs me. I miss being
there for you, being the person you wanted to start and end your day with. I
miss feeling a part of something. This is totally corny, but the lyrics "I wanna
be somebody's somebody" popped into my head. Thank you, adolescent teen pop
music days. It's true, though.
I miss being your number one, baby