16 January 2013

Quiet Thoughts

January 16th.

In 10 days, the calendar will turn to January 26th.
This will mark the 2nd anniversary of Mark's death.

It is still unbelievable to realize.

It stuns me.
I reflect on the six weeks leading up to his passing.

Not a day goes by where my heart sinks, my eyes swell and I try to negoitate a deal with God to turn back the clock.

Yes, life has moved forward.
But emotionally there are many parts of me that have not.

There is one room in the house I still can not enter, it is still filled with all of his things, collectibles, papers, souveniars.  I am just not emotionally ready.

I still drive his car, though there are other nicer cars for me to drive.  Mark, always being so humble in his selection of things.

Each day I go through the motions, as I must.   I need to stay employed so all of the work traits need to be in tact (stoic, informed, in command); but emotionally I am still quite in repair.

I visit Mark's grave often, tending to the grounds, ensuring that for any that come visit the house is in order.

His face appears on my screen saver of my iphone, ipad, work computer and pictures still surround me.  His handsome looks frozen in time, as I continue to age.

His love of his family was incredible, unconditional.
Such a strong loving man, father, son.

He will be my forever love... no one will ever replace him in my heart.


  1. My heart goes out to you, sweetie. Prayers.

  2. Barbara, we only know each other through blogging but my heart goes out to you on your loss. Mark sounds like he was a wonderful person. I pray that each day you are comforted by God(of your understanding)

    I haven't lost a parent or husband but I did lose a brother and sister within 9 months of each other and as you said, we go on but we sure don't forget.

    Thanks for sharing on Mark. What a handsome man and I know he was blessed to have spent the time he did have with you.



  3. Oh! You made me cry! Hugs xoxo

  4. You are in my thoughts! Big HUG!!! and lots of love!