02 June 2012
I knew this was bound to happen And believe me it was probably a good thing Last summer we had a hurricane come through our area. My sump pump failed. I have a finished walk out basement and it was totally flooded I scrambled to try to rescue what was precious or more what I could lift. I was not alone Many people had their basements flood. So a year has gone by. And the many storage boxes mostly rubber maid type are still stacked in a corner. I have walked by them and around them but never opened them They are packed with papers, memories and collectibles that Mark held. I have finally completed the planning of the redo working with a contractor But the stuff needs to be sorted through. And I can't lift anything with my surgery so fresh. So K has offered to move the boxes around and set up a space where I can sit and go through the boxes. Now my dear sweet Mark was a collector. In fact I have a room in the house that is packed floor to ceiling with his things that were so meaningful to him. I still to this day can not walk into that room. And today that overwhelming fear anxiety sadness loss engulfed me. I couldn't get through one box. I cried uncontrolably. Everything about Mark and the realization that I will never be with him again resonated through my body. I shook and cried and cried and cried K has been through these breakdowns with me so many times He just held me He knows He said today is not the day. We will try again tomorrow. And so 18 months out and I am still going through the process of processing. I so urge you all to embrace your loved ones. And don't be the first to let go of the embrace.
Posted by Barbara at 1:52 PM