02 June 2012

Emotional Breakdown

I knew this was bound to happen And believe me it was probably a good thing Last summer we had a hurricane come through our area. My sump pump failed. I have a finished walk out basement and it was totally flooded I scrambled to try to rescue what was precious or more what I could lift. I was not alone Many people had their basements flood. So a year has gone by. And the many storage boxes mostly rubber maid type are still stacked in a corner. I have walked by them and around them but never opened them They are packed with papers, memories and collectibles that Mark held. I have finally completed the planning of the redo working with a contractor But the stuff needs to be sorted through. And I can't lift anything with my surgery so fresh. So K has offered to move the boxes around and set up a space where I can sit and go through the boxes. Now my dear sweet Mark was a collector. In fact I have a room in the house that is packed floor to ceiling with his things that were so meaningful to him. I still to this day can not walk into that room. And today that overwhelming fear anxiety sadness loss engulfed me. I couldn't get through one box. I cried uncontrolably. Everything about Mark and the realization that I will never be with him again resonated through my body. I shook and cried and cried and cried K has been through these breakdowns with me so many times He just held me He knows He said today is not the day. We will try again tomorrow. And so 18 months out and I am still going through the process of processing. I so urge you all to embrace your loved ones. And don't be the first to let go of the embrace.

8 comments:

  1. hugs and love to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  2. Hugs and lots of love to you Barbara....K sounds like such a great guy....I'm so happy he is there to help you.

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  3. So sad. I really feel for you. Keep taking one day at a time and if you can't manage a whole box, see if you can manage half or even just one thing in one box. You will get it done and hopefully find some treasures and good memories in the process. xx

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  4. My heart goes out to you ...sending you love and hugs.

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  5. K sounds so wonderful to understand...my dad passed not long after your Mark, and my mom still has all of his clothing in his drawers, not ready to deal with it yet. We keep telling her, "when you're ready"...not knowing if any of us will ever be ready.

    Hugs to you!

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  6. I'm so sorry Barbara. ((hugs))

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  7. XOXO... I can't imagine how you feel but it really helps me to read your emotional posts about your Mark since my Mom lost my Dad 9 years ago and has struggled looking for herself and climbing out of a hole of mourning since. She has her own K, named Charlie who is very helpful and I am very glad that she isn't alone. Please know that your happiness with K is allowed, and I know Mark smiles down on you everyday... *M*

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